Thursday, October 18, 2012

Jason Statham: My Muse

I'm feeling in order to move on with the positive, I need to acknowledge what's making me a Frownie. I'm already feeling like a FROWNIE, so let me just say what kind of people this week, make me a *Frownie (this is spelled correctly because a Frownie is a type of person; like a Brownie):

People who completely flake out on you.

People who say rude things carelessly and don't feel the need to say "I'm sorry" because they never think they do anything wrong.

People who tell you even though you've already paid $39.90, somehow you actually owe $65...GAAA I HATE you Wen HairCare trixiness!

People that are such critics that they just can never enjoy anything...there always has to be something "wrong" with a situation or person.

People who only talk about their kids on Facebook...HAA! JUST KIDDING--had to throw a joke in there somewhere.

...Geeze...someone throw a coupla' dark chocolate bars in this girl's direction and then...walk away...slowwwly...

So maybe to offset so much charged negativity, as a bonus, I'll write about people who make me what I call, Happy Dappy:

Sisters who wear your bra on their head, to prove that it's giant enough to...wear your bra on their head...And who are willing to spend an entire weekend with you and share what they have, even when they're down to their last Hansen's soda.

Sisters who drive a long long way (all the way from a City Above The Clouds!) with their moms and baby to see your kids, even though their baby (and mom??) is fussy (mwamwahahaha... JUST kidding mom--you weren't "fussy" at all). And actually the baby wasn't fussy, just not feeling well, but it was funnier to say they were fussy. It's creative writing, okay?

Sisters who work really hard even though they feel their jobs can be slow-going...and secretly want to call their boyfriends names that rhyme like Hotty-Totty-Scotty...

Friends who come visit you just to see you or call you and laugh with you, and can know you well enough to know you're just being morbidly darkly humorous when you say, "there's been a beating...can you bring some yellow caution tape and a get-away car??" versus asking if they need to call the police.

Husbands that take hours off to take care of you even though they know it means they have to make up the hours later to afford what is needed...and that they too now will want to hit your children with a frying pan.

People who created ANY movie with Jason Statham in it...I'm totally jealous, entertained, and excited at the same time: if he weren't kinda buff, he'd just be a bald guy who was okay at acting BUT, he has a Cockney accent AND is buff, AND is bald, and always has a gun lol. What does a mama need to do to be that cool? Us chicks don't get to be recognizably hard-core cool like that, unless we can kick ass in a tight pleather Kate Beckinsale onesie (whilst murdering imaginary vampires and yes fellas, I am SO sorry to have be the one to tell you this, but she's not really murdering vampires), or...just be like Queen Latifah. I wish I was like Queen Latifah. A lot would have to change for me to be Queen Latifah. And what exactly does it mean to be hard-core, anyway? I mean, I know what I think it can mean. I think just being a woman in general is pretty hard-core... Gentlemen, I know what you're thinking, "Hey--why only women? What watching kids, shopping, and working is hardcore? I do that!" Yeah well, what you don't know, is that underneath a "normal" interaction at the store, or the pick-up line at school, lies a WHOLE other Hard-core Woman World. It's sink or swim. Survival of the fittest. Do or die.

Let me just put it out there, that as a woman, we really can't win either way in most situations. Fashion for example: it's all set up to make mostly women happy but instead, it makes us miserable! We want what we can't have and because it's always changing, we're never able to keep up or keep secure for long should we depend on the world in a moment of weakness (damn you again, Wen Haircare! You've broken my heart! *insert FROWNIE*). I love clothes. I love shopping; it really does make me happy...I love looking good. But it's true for most women "out there" (we'll say 'out there' because any woman reading this blog, is obviously and indubitably sharp as a whip, beautiful inside and out, and surely confident--so you know, we're just gossiping about 'the others'), that fashion is either to make other women want to be like us, or show that we can be like those other cool women. I hate that. I don't think there's anything wrong of course, with desiring to look beautiful (enhancing what we were given) but it gets ugly dude! One time, I was trying on a sweater dress and for once, admiring myself in the mirror (this was uh...before children...I said, "once" see? Like "once upon a time"?) and this chick in back of me waiting for the mirror smirked and said, "Hm. It's a little tight, isn't it?" WHAT?! Just being mean to be mean. I guy would never walk up to another guy in the changing room and be like, "Dude...that belt?...*head shakes disapprovingly*".

I guess losing my figure in these past pregnancies has forced me to embrace some things: that I have to be patient with myself to accept where I am at, but not settle for it either, and continue to move forward to be a healthy me I was created to be. And, that I desire to be seen for my own beauty, regardless of the tag. I think if I continue to be genuine and honest (and God knows, He keeps me honest), I won't lose that, even when I shed this cocoon and become Brooklyn Decker...BAHAHAHA--were you paying attention? Psych! JUST joking. I hate Brooklyn Decker. That name sounds like a sandwich but if she were a sandwich, she'd be a tasteless, tiny one with no bread because for one, she doesn't wear many clothes, and for two, she is too skinny to be a good sandwich full of comforting carbs, and for three, she'd be one of those "fat-free mayo" kind of sandwiches...eeuuww. At that point, what's the point? Just go for a wrap, which isn't a sandwich at all.

Anyway, that concludes my list and made for a nice random rant about did all that come from talking about Jason Statham? See--he IS an intriguing guy, inspiring blogs, even! Okay until next time friends--toodles!

*Frownie [frow-nee]: An attitude that is sad, pouty, and somewhat angry. Using this context, when a person being a Frownie frowns, the frown can then be called "a frownie" because it's deeper than the action of a frown, it's like a "THUMBS DOWN" and a frown, and a statement. If you don't know about "THUMBS DOWN", you haven't read enough of my blogs and should get on that promptly.