Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Hump Day

Ah Wednesday, you little stump of a hump day...I'm a grump. To be really fair, the first half of my day ROCKED; finally got to have a fairly "relaxing" hang out time with one of my best gals (and by "relaxing" I mean the kids were strapped down in Lucille, the Minivan Wonder of Transportation, while we ate fries and vented), and had a decent trip to the store with all four kids. But THEN--there was picking up our 4 passenger car from the mechanic's when we are 5 passengers...and figuring that out...and the extra cost because our battery was kaput...dealing with the kids' snobby secretary regarding what else--money--for his school lunches, and explaining exactly why even though I live down the STREET, waking up a 9 month old and a tantruming 2 year old (especially when they just fell asleep) makes it nearly impossible to arrive ANYwhere on time...So, I made it, I'm still going off of not really having a break away from kids for 2 weeks, another round of antibiotics for still lingering STUPID mastitis (do you think the person who named it 'mastitis' realized that the word 'tit' is smack in the middle of that stupid word??? NOT funny Mr. I Named This Booby Hell Disease!), and weak attempts at cleaning the pit that once was a pristine home...So, here goes:

Five things I definitely NEVER thought I'd hear all in one day:

1. "Sorry--it's actually WEDNESDAY, not Friday *snobby secretary frown followed by snorts of laughter* (joke's on HER for snorting...).

2. "Mama--I MUST be naked--I don't believe you that I'll get sunburned...I'll just make you buy my penis sunglasses and an umbrella!!!!" --Matty, Phallic Extraordinnaire, age 4

3. "Well, it was going to be $28, but since you didn't tell us not to put the battery in, it's $175--sorry!"

4. "...And who wouldn't understand why you're late to pick up Mike? You have FOUR kids, and you're pregnant!" case you don't know I'm NOT pregnant...I too frickin' fat to exercise during the last you know...THREE months of my last pregnancy that was...almost a year ago and...then sort of...broke and ankle and grabbed tendonitis...which made being fat worse it turns out... Does anyone remember that sound in the Muppets when something went wrong, and Kermit wore that expression like, "weh-weh-wooowwww"? Here's what my face looks like about this:

5. Finally, I hate to say this but, thing #5 is, I dropped the F bomb. I went into my room and screamed it as loudly as I could into my pillow...(Nobody get all worked up--kids didn't hear it and I'm not like, addicted or anything now). I don't plan on doing that again but I have really, no regrets about it today. I still hate that word, hate it but, saying it that many times made me laugh...a lot...I'm pretty sure there's something unwell about that but it sure beat the alternative of having a psychotic break, lighting my hair on fire, and running up and down Littleton streets yelling,

"You can't catch me, THIS. GIRL IS ON FIIIIEEEE-YA!!!"

Hope your hump days were better than the last third of mine...

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