Friday, June 10, 2011


The Kids: all sick with an evil bug, forcing bodily fluids out in practically every orifice. The bathroom looks (and smells) like a battlegrounds in the worst way; I don't know how much longer it will hold. Reinforcements needed but it is unlikely none brave enough will come.

The Cat:  still fluffy and smelling of Men's Care Dove bodywash. She eyes me suspiciously, awaiting the growing madness to pounce upon her the more I, her ill-brained master, is kept indoors to tend to the natives.

The Kitchen: in fact dirty except for--lo!--one space between the sink and the window, there it is still unscathed and shiny. Yet as I approach ye spot, all virgin clean I am deceived--Alas! I have been tricked by the gods (said with a fist shaking in the air but actually saying other words than what might be made-for-TV; like in those 1950's movies when Hercules was actually in Italian but dubbed over by some golly-gee American voices)! It is only "shiny" because a clear coating of Pedialyte has oozed and dried over this falsely cleaned spot. Sadly (and sickly), I slough into the living room to retreat. Unfortunately, the natives spot me and attack with a hungry fierceness I had not perceived from the battlegrounds (bathroom)! "FOOOD! HUNNNGRY!! My TUMMMMY!" they shout like midget zombies. I wonder how much time I'll have before their poisened devilries take effect (one has a diaper the size of a human head, and is sitting on my neck). I close my eyes..."it's going to be's going to be okay..." The last thing I remember is hysterical laughter from the diaper-monger who hears my desperate attempts at coping and finds them utterly hilarious. "MWAMWAHAA!!" he laughs over me, as giant drool spiddles down onto my hair. "You crazy nuts, Mommy" he laughs. "Yes, yes I am, " say I.
Sitting up, I breathe through my mouth only and hug the natives tightly, poop neck (me), Giant-Dump-Diaper McGee, Drooly McFooly, and Major Trouble, and kiss them. Then I repeat this again. If this is what parenthood's about, then I'd hate to overcome all the insanity, only to fail in forgetting what's most important: to love and be loved.